Shooting Stars...

"Could we pretend that airplanes in the night sky were like shooting stars?...I could really use a wish right now..."

-B.O.B. "Airplanes"

I am home from the longest 10 day boat det I have ever been on. For those who are not in the Navy and are unfamiliar with how this all works, let me explain. One does not just go on deployment usually. First we have to get qualified. Pilots need to learn how to land on an aircraft carrier, pilots need to learn how to hit targets...maintainers need to learn how to double check the security on aircraft before sending them off, they need to qualify on certain jobs. It's how we keep the whole process of defending America smooth.

I have heard the worst part are the "work ups"...the time spent qualifying everyone and training. Probably because one does not just leave for a long time and then come back. One leaves for a short period in time and then comes back only to pack up and do it again. Sometimes it's a week, sometimes a month. The time varies. All I know is that this time it is different...

I am leaving my children behind.

This is by far harder than anything I've ever done before. Not the training or qualifying. Not the work. Not even leaving my husband, though I do miss him. It's hard not to think about my children every day and wish I were home rather than floating in the middle of the ocean. It's much harder to stop all the guilty feelings that come along with this.

I really don't know how some women feel or how some women with children can make a career of this. I cannot speak for anyone else. I know some have a hard time with it, others do better. All I know is how I react.

I am scared of the upcoming deployment. I am afraid that I will take it rather badly. I know that they are left in good hands...after all, I wouldn't have married and had babies with a man I felt was not up to the task of being a father. Even so, I wonder what my sons will think. Will they think I have abandoned them? Christian sort of gets it. He knows I leave and then come back. There's only so much a 15-month-old can understand, though.

Sometimes I do well. The days seem to tick by with an effective rhythm. I wake up, go to work...sometimes I spend time with my children. Other times I get off too late and spend most of the day sleeping. Obviously, when I am away, I am away. Routine is my friend, I guess.

Other days I can't help but wish I could turn back time. If I could change my mind and not have reenlisted. I would be home right now. I would have nothing but college to worry about right now. No duty. No watches. No days that I'm left wondering how I'll squeeze in time to see my children. No looming months ahead where I will be gone. I would be home. I would see my children every day no matter what.

I try not to complain. I try to be matter-of-fact with all of this. Am I happy with my present? Not really, but what is there to do? There is no sense in complaining all the time. Still, I feel like most days are internal fights with myself. This is much, much harder than I anticipated.

Still, with every day that passes, that is one day closer to deployment, but one day closer to getting out. I hope my children understand. I hope I don't make this harder than it has to be. I'm trying to take this one day at a time. I really need a shooting star...

Well...I guess I just need to remember that people do this all of the time. This time will fly by....

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

One of the hot topics in the military right now is the repeal of the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy. This policy, for those who are unfamiliar with it, is basically a way for homosexuals to serve in the military. Service members are instructed not to ask about a person's orientation or reveal their own orientation.

No big deal, right? Even I believe that what happens in one's own bedroom should stay there.

What are the consequences of such a policy? At first glance, it may seem that there are none, but should a service member be "outed" he or she may face discharge. A career could be terminated for no other reason than one's orientation. More than 13,000 service members have been discharged since the start of the policy. What do those numbers come out to? About 800 service members a year.

At a hearing of the panel, Mr. Wilson cited Pentagon data showing that from 1999 to 2008, 1.9 million people were discharged by the Department of Defense, including 8,300 because of “don’t ask, don’t tell.” Mr. Wilson concluded that some 800 people were discharged under the law per year, which he termed “not a significant loss from an overall” Defense Department “manpower perspective.” (See link at the end of this blog.)

Some may believe that 800 service members a year isn't much to raise a fuss over and others may think that even 1 person kicked out for his or her orientation is an outrage.

Where do I fall? I'm glad you asked...and even if you didn't, I'll share anyway since this is my blog.

I am all for lifting this policy. If someone wants to serve his or her country, he or she should be able to do so (assuming he or she is qualified).

My problems with the arguments on keeping the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy:

1. "I don't want to know who is homosexual." Okay...then don't ask. Coming out as gay is a big deal for a lot of people. Lifting this policy is not going to force people to come out to the people they work with if they don't want to. Do you keep everyone up to date with your romantic life?

2. "I don't want to have a man/woman hitting on me, because now it's okay to be gay in the military." My BIGGEST problem with this argument is how arrogant the person who says this is. Why are you assuming that a gay man or woman would immediately flock to you and start hitting on you now that he or she can date someone? Men and women work side by side every day. Generally speaking, it is kept pretty professional. There are actual rules written in black and white that say people cannot date within a command or within a chain-of-command. So why would those rules not be applicable once this is repealed? Let's rephrase this question: "Women shouldn't be in the military. I don't want them coming over and hitting on me just because they can work next to me." Do you know what you do in that scenario, though? Decline. If they do it again it's called harrassment. Works for heterosexual military members as well. Interesting, huh?

3. "I would have to shower with them." Just want to point out there are already homosexuals in the military. And again with the arrogance. Who says anyone wants to see you naked anyway?

4. "If we repeal this and suddenly we have a lot of people saying they are gay, there is going to be a lot of hate crimes." That's sad that people make it seem that the solution to this is to NOT allow people to be open about their orientation. At one point, African Americans were not allowed in the military. At one point, women were not allowed in the military. How did that fare? People dread changes, but I believe that once something becomes "normal" it's "no big deal."

I think a military member should have the right to serve openly, so long as he or she keeps it professional at work, command functions and military installations.
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/04/us/politics/04military.html

I'm Going to Renew our Registration...Oh, and Our Vows, too!

****Disclaimer: this is purely my way of thinking and opinion. If you like it or have done it, that's all fine and dandy, this is just my perception of it.

My husband, Kris, and I were talking and somehow we ended up talking about people we knew separating. I always think it's heart breaking to think that a person you once loved enough to say you would spend the rest of your life loving, is now someone you don't particularly care for.

I'm pretty sure the only reason that I would leave Kris is if he became a danger to me or my children....or if he cheated on me (although I may try and work things out, but shhhh, don't tell him!).

Still, life happens and suddenly a couple splits.

Then, like a lot of our conversations go, it ended up on the subject of renewing one's vows. Do they expire? Is there a set date that vows need to be dusted off again? I thought a vow was a permanent thing. Or is intended to be, anyway.

So 25 years from now am I going to have say, "Honey, don't forget to renew our car's registration....oh! And our wedding vows! I think we're a little past due!" I think I may just save my money and just keep tight to the vows I already said.

The Simple Joys of Breastfeeding

There are numerous reasons that I breastfeed. On the more technical side, I have a list of reasons that made this a common sense decision. Of course I was going to breastfeed. If I had the chance to give my child something that would decrease his chance of ear infections, severe lower respiratory tract infections, and asthmas or give him something that increases his chance of obesity, type 1 and 2 diabetes, and even worse-SIDS. Which would I choose? http://www.ahrq.gov/clinic/tp/brfouttp.htm

If I decided to go a route that made my chances of getting type 2 diabetes, breast cancer and ovarian cancer go up instead of down like women who decided to breastfeed...would that make sense? http://www.ahrq.gov/clinic/tp/brfouttp.htm

Not to me.

I do understand that some women cannot breastfeed for reasons specific to them. However, I firmly believe that MOST women can successfully breastfeed, given the right amount of support and resources. Compare the rates of women who initiate breastfeeding here in the U.S. to other places in the world and it's pretty bad. It's come up a bit, but it still has LOTS of room for improvement.

Mother's who start breastfeeding in the U.S.: 57%

Mother's who start breastfeeding in Sweden and Norway: 98%

Mother's who are still breastfeeding at 6 months or longer in the U.S.: 20% (!!!!)

Mother's who are still breastfeeding at 6 months or longer in Sweden: 53%

Norway: 50%

http://www.kellymom.com/writings/bf-numbers.html#Sweden

Still, I will say that up there with all of the goodies that breast milk carries with it, holding my baby as he falls asleep nursing just melts my heart. Knowing that my toddler (when he still nursed) would stop mid tantrum to nurse was great. The fact that nursing my child after he got a "boo-boo" would make all those tears go away made me feel good.

Breastfeeding can be rough in the beginning, especially when there is such a pressure to formula feed, when there are so many people telling you that you will probably fail...but once you succeed and breastfeeding comes naturally to you, all the simple pleasures that come along with it seem even more worth it!

Mother's Day Weekend

So it's Mother's Day weekend. Here come the gifts, the excitement, the disappointments....and what is it really about?....

So I had in mind that I would get this huge spa package. 5+ hours of heavenly bliss. A Swedish massage could surely ease all the tension off of me...if only for a few hours. Sea duty (at least in the fighter community) is hard. The hours are long, I hardly see my kids, and I feel like the worst mother ever. And what do I want for this weekend? A spa package.

My husband forgets that he has to set up an appointment, pay a down payment in advance, whatever. He forgets all of that...as if I could just waltz right in, lay down and have the beautiful day commence. I was slightly irritated. I have been wanting a massage since I was pregnant with baby number one...even though baby number two is already 14 months old. Ah, the ever old procrastinator. What can one do?

But perhaps this is all a blessing in disguise. I was looking up all of these spas to see if I could squeeze in a spot. Perhaps they were not all booked? And half way through I just start crying. What is Mother's Day...to me, anyway? Shouldn't it be a day that I am grateful for what lets me be the center of the holiday?

I work night check hours...so that means that I get off in the wee hours of the morning. I do not usually keep my children right away. When I do, I am irritable and extremely tired. Some nights I get off at midnight and am able to keep them during the day. Some nights I get off way too late and do not see them at all until the NEXT day.

So I cry. Why do I want another chunk of time away from my children? I then decide to just relish Cayden's delicious baby scent. I am going to make sure to capture Christian's giant smile in my mind and tuck it away so that when I deploy I can remember his little dimple, his bright shining eyes. I am going to pick them up, smother them in hugs and kisses. I am going to spend this weekend being appreciative of being a mother.

Besides, without these two blessings, I wouldn't have a day, would I?

...plus, my husband bought me a camera and let me open it already.

I hope everyone spends Mother's Day weekend, not only appreciating the gifts that they have received, but also soaking up the little joys that give us all a day to be appreciated.