Incomplete Poems Part II

This is all a lovely dream
Or so it appears to be
Reality forgotten
When it's just you and me

You are all I taste
Where I want to be
Under my skin and in my mind
You are all that I see

Eventually we have to wake up
And it seems I am reluctant
To turn back to my reality
But your heart is all I want

I knew my future was heartbreak
I couldn't pry myself away
My mind was telling me to leave
But my heart with you will stay

I have given you all I can
Everything I have to give
And I know that you aren't mind
But is this really how we have to live?
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I'm so scared of you
Because I'm afraid that you'll
Stop loving me, before I stop loving you
Yes, baby, that's true

I'm so scared of you
Because I want a love that's true
I want a love that's real with you
And only you will do

I wish I could be that heartbreaker
It just seems so much safer

I want a love that's here for generations
Without the usual complications
I need a man that sees me as inspiration
Regardless of the consequences

And only if I break the walls
Leave my heart bracing for falls
Will I ever find it all

And yet I'm scared of you
I'm not sure what I want to do
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
You're a bad idea that feels so good
I should be here, I wish I could
Have the willpower to make you go
It's the beat of your heart that tells me no

And with our hands interwined
It seems I really don't mind
The racing hearts that beat together
And it's in this moment I want to live forever
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I want to live in your eyes
It was quite a surprise
The moment that I
Saw you had no disguise

I am used to the games
So tired of the same
Didn't want us to go down in flames
But I see nothing is the same

I want to wrap myself in your arms
So that I am assured no harm
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Incomplete Poems

I thought I'd write down what I've felt before and what has come to mind. Just incomplete poems/songs.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
There is a desperation, an inspiration,
A hesitation, all in my heart
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
What are we doing here?
Headed for heartbreak
But I just want you near
And for my heart's sake
Let's take this night by night

We knew this isn't right
And I'm too weak to fight
What stirs inside of me
I might just let us be
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
And here I am so vulnerable
Might as well be facing you
Naked and uncomfrtable
Might as well tell me you're through

You are playing with emotions, baby
A heart that definitely bleeds
A mind that told me, warned me
To stay away and to take heed

But did I listen, did I care?
I was already broken, stumbling
And you said you cared
And no my world is crashing
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I know you, know what you're all about
I see you, baby, inside and out
I get you, baby, I know you

So afraid of feelings, but
That is what you want to know
What are you thinking, baby
Where do we want to go
From this messed up relationship
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Hubby's Brushes with Death-Part 3

I have said this before and I will say this again: I love my husband. Dearly. Unconditionally, even. That does not save him, however, from these Near Death Experiences. I think he lives for them. Sort of like a BASE jumper. Maybe it's the adrenaline rush from knowing that I'm seconds from "accidentally" leaving something on the stairs again and making sure he's the next one that needs to go downstairs in the wee hours of the a.m. [ah, new blog idea!].

Let me just start off this story by letting you know that I am never on time. I shoot for a certain time and miss it...horribly. That's not the greatest when you're in the military. Anyone who has served in any branch knows the mantra: "if you're early you're on time, if you're on time you're late." Well, I'm late...all the time. I know, I suck.

So once again, I'm fifteen minutes away from the time I should be starting my car and I'm only half dressed, my kids are whining, and my husband's playing on the computer. I'm frantically looking for my wallet (and I suck at looking for stuff when I'm in a panicked frenzy) and my baby, Dozer [like bulldozer; formerly referred to as Chunky, but this is much more applicable...especially since he's thinning out now] is screaming at my feet, practically crawling up my legs. *sigh* Ah! Fine! I pick him up and start smelling this familiar smell. Oh, poop.

I turned to my Dear Wonderful Husband and say (okay, whine), "Hey! Can you please help me out here? I have to leave for work in fifteen minutes, the kids are really whiny, I'm not even dressed yet, I can't find my wallet and Dozer just pooped."

He turns around, looks at me sort of concerned and then replies, "Well, you have fifteen minutes."

And then he smiles.

He does change Dozer's diaper and helps me find my wallet. And then I push him down the stairs.

The End.

Bravest Woman in the World

There are some days I like being in the military and some days that I do. I am getting more and more tired of certain things, because my time is growing to a close, but I can deal. The first five years of enlistment wasn't so bad, minus a few people. Then I made E-5 and got the bright idea to reenlist. It made me worry a little bit, because the first step to retirement is reenlisting, right? Honestly, though, I do not think I'm very military like and while I do not regret joining at all, I do not think this is career material for me. Plus, the hubby wants to stay in and I'd like one stable parent at home instead of alternating deployment schedules (yeah-that rocks).

Either way, this weekend is one of those weekends I will not miss at all when I'm a civilian again. Sure duty comes with the territory, but I challenge anyone to find a military member who likes standing duty. Yeah, thought so.

I was scheduled to stand an eight hour watch (standard watch) on Sunday right before my 10 hour shift. Oh, count my lucky stars! Like I said, I deal with it like everyone else deals with it. We've all been there, done that.

Then, my first class tells me I have watch Friday night from midnight (so technically that would be this morning) until 8 a.m. Fabulous.

So my only real day off is Saturday. My birthday is Tuesday and I wanted to go out some with the fam. Family day fun! Woot!

Except, not really. I ask Wonderful Husband of Mine if he wanted to do anything today. [Okay, side note: I am not very specific in asking for things. I tend to beat around the bush and expect him to mind read. Sorry, I'm a girl and in this category, I fall victim to said circumstance.] I expect an I'm-not-sure-honey-whatever-you-want answer. You know...since the only real family time we'd get this weekend is today and we see each other for 5 minute glimpses every once in a while during the week.

What I got was, "Well, I want to hook up the tv to the speakers [the awesomeness that is our tv and extra stuff that I bought him for father's day] and get it all working soon. But what I want to do and what we will do aren't the same thing."

I try to throw darts with my eyes. I wonder if he feels Death's icy hand on his neck.

He then quickly suggests I take the kids to the park.

I decide to do one better. I am going to treat myself and my kids today! I will be the Bravest Woman in the World and not just go out to eat, but go shopping at the mall (and leave with stuff) AND go to a movie. Score one for Team Mommy.

But this will only works if my kids cooperate.

I am destined to fail, but I am going to outrun my destiny!

First, we went to Texas Roadhouse. My kids tore up the bread and apple sauce, but refused any and all other food. You know what, I didn't even care. I had myself a whole 8 oz. sirloin that was delicious...AND I ate it while it was still hot! Tell me that is not impressive! Afterwards, I treated the kids to ice cream. Big Man kept dropping his chocolate coated ice cream cone on the table top. I'm sure there are diseases unknown to science on that table top, but you know what? Five...second...rule! And sure Chunky kept dashing out to the parking lot just trying to get ran over, but hey, he lives, so it's all good.

I don't know if I was insane or just determined, but after that, we were into the car seats again (with some minor fussing) and headed to the mall. We hit, not one, not two, but three stores in that mall. The first was a kids clothing store-okay, yeah, it's not for me, but I love buying my kids new clothes. So sue me. I bought the two most adorable shirts for 50% off! Then I went to the Disney store....a store I have never braved before. There's a poor lady sitting there, restocking the humongous pile of Disney plush characters. It looks awesome, but it also looks like it's taunting everyone to just dive into it. I mean, I wanted to dive in. It's like a huge pile of leaves. You just HAD to. Oh and did my kids take that challenge! That poor lady was restocking as fast as her arms could put those plush toys back! She was on one end placing them back in their assigned position. They were tearing down plush dolls down as fast as their little hands could. I felt bad and I was helping her out, but finally I just had to leave the abandoned Mickey Mouse, Handy Manny, and Donald Ducks on the floor and drag my kids out. I did end up buying Big Man his first gun [relax-it was a squirt gun...two to a pack, how awesome is that!?].

And then lastly, I headed to a friggin' shoe store! For me! *excited squeal* I bought some sandals for me. Big Man was running around with his squirt gun in a circle and I was so scared he was going to trip somebody. He almost plowed into one of the sales associates. I hadn't bought my pair of flip flops yet, so they just looked over at me with the quickest of looks like, This woman has lost her damn mind bringing these kids into this nice of a shoe store to an even quicker, Oh, we're here to help, not judge...these children are precious, please buy our shoes. I didn't care. I bought shoes. Sandals, even. Lovely.

And of course, no evening of splurges would be complete without a movie. A movie by my lonesome with two kids ages three and younger. I am out of my damn mind. It was Shrek in 3D. It was pretty cute. As soon as it started Chunky started getting irritated and fussing and crying. Oh, Lord Jesus, please help me. Of course he's going to start crying now. People are trying to watch a movie. I couldn't get off the hook this easy! So I tried nursing him and was swapping him from side to side. He kept playing the nursing acrobatics game. Soooo not having that. Of course, what do I do? And then Jesus heard my prayer! Chunky fell asleep. Yes! Big Man was stoked about the movie. He kept yelling and laughing his little head off. I kept him as quiet as I could, but you know what? If someone watching a kid movie was mad about a kid making some extra commentary they can just go take a hike. I thought it was adorable. "Mommy! What's going to HAP-pen?" "Hahahahahaha! Mommy, this is fu-fu-fu [uh-oh] funny! [oh, phew]." Tell me that is not exceedingly cute!

So, yes, I am the bravest woman in the world today. Not only did I survive a trip to a restaurant, the mall and the movies all in one night (and in succession!), but we all had a great time!

And now my kids are passed out, so onto Facebook land! Goody!

It's All Mommy's Fault

Kids are like sponges. And sponges are gross after a while, so even that suits my kids well. Leave them alone long enough and they will be disgusting before long. Can you please NOT pick your nose at the dinner table! It's disgusting! *giggle* No it's not! *sigh* And then let's not talk about Chunky's infatuation with the murkiest of mud puddles. There are cigarette butts floating in that one! *swap, swap, swap, splash!* Ahhh...

But, I digress.

Big Man learned a new word recently. He knew it was a bad one, so he decided to inform us during dinner at a restaurant.

Big Man: We don't say......[mumbling]

Me: What?

Big Man: We don't say...uck.

Me: (suspiciously) We don't say what?

Big Man: We don't say f#$%, Mommy. We don't say that.

Hubby: No! Where did you hear that!!? That's a bad word! (Getting progressively louder as he talks)

Big Man: instantly in tears and crying

Hubby: Oh! No, no, no! You're not in trouble! It's okay! That's just a bad word, baby.

Me: It's alright, it's alright. Where did you hear that from?

Big Man: slowly looks up at me and then back at his lap.

Me: Baby, where did you hear that from? At school? Did Mommy say it? Did Daddy say it?

Big Man: You did, Mommy.

Oops. Nuh-uh.

Yep. I suck.

I should do what a good friend of mine does and curse made up stuff. For example, if she stubs her toe it's, " God Bless America!

So I thought I'd do all parents out there a favor and make a list of appropriate and just as fun "expression" to "express" our frustrations. Enjoy!

• God Bless America I had to add that one. So sue me, El! I thought it was good. And now you're in my blog, so there.


• Fudge muncher!


• Holy shish-ca-bob


• What the frick-frickity-frick? You can shorten that, I just think frick is funny--yeah, I'm a dork.


• Flock off!


• lint licker-ahahahaha! I love that orbit commercial. Heh.


• Oh sweet Jeebus


• Oh Mylanta


• You mother lover!

Okay, my extraordinary genius has fallen short and that's all I can think of right now (and google), so there you are. That should keep you busy for a little while. And hopefully prevent dialogues like the one above. If you can think of anything else to add, let me know. I can edit these babies, you know. That's the power of the blog. So let me know!

Stab to the Heart

I heard from someone somewhere that having children is like having your heart walking out in the world. I think that's pretty accurate. Lord knows that my child getting hurt is worse for me than them-I think, anyway. There have been plenty a times that my kids have been calmed down and happily playing, while I'm still fighting back tears (but those might be completely different posts, so I'll stop there).

For those that don't know, I am currently working nights. Horrible schedule. I see them like every other day at best. I absolutely hate it and I think my kids are taking it worse than me. Especially Big Man. He has been especially acting out at daycare (or school as we like to call it. Makes him feel like the Big Man he is). He gets We Care reports (or really, Your Kid May be the Reason We Quit So Hurry Up and Start Parenting reports). Usually when he feels frustrated he takes it out on the other kids and hits. Kids hit and bite and think it's funny to show their butts to each other (wth?), but they always get a We Care report.

My husband is usually the one that picks the kiddos up, because he works during the day. So when he gets told that Big Man has hit one of the kids in his classroom he tells him, "Hey, I am really sad that you hit your friends." or "It makes me sad to hear that when I pick you up." or some sort of variation.

So over dinner earlier today my husband starts telling me what my beautiful son told him a few days prior. Big Man is in his car seat and they've rolled into a parking spot. Hubby, "So, you ready for school today?" Big Man, [eyes huge, lips in a pout, hands grabbing at the car seat straps] "Daddy? I make you happy?"

Insert knife to heart, twist.

Hubby's eyes get huge, fill with tears and he's scrambling to find the words to tell our darling son that he is the happiest man, because he has our children.

I teared up when I heard that. I can just imagine being asked that by my 3-year-old.

It's crazy how they tug at those heart strings! Big Man has obviously gotten over that and was content with the answer. Days later, Daddy is still tearing up thinking about it! Gah.

The Hubster's Brushes with Death-#2

I didn't think I'd have anything else to write so quickly about the Hubster's Brushes with Death, but I think the Hubby may be a slow learner.

You ever have one of those days (or nights with me, since I work in the bestest squadron ever and they hold onto us all night-but I digress) that just is NOT-YOUR-DAY-AT-ALL. Some days you kind of get a warning, but this day it was like a big slap in the face.

It was 1 a.m.-ish, I can't remember exactly, and I was all like holyfriggincow, are we really leaving this early? So everyone bolts and I'm grabbing my stuff. *sharp inhale* Where the heck are my keys?

And of course, I panic. It's really a super long story, but to make this shorter and more readable I'll put it in a nutshell:

Gloria misplaces keys, freaks out, retraces steps, tears shop apart, cannotfindherfrigginkeys!! I even went out to our large dumpster to see if it were at all possible to go digging through it and find our trash bag. Hey, it could happen. I am near the brink of losing my mind, so those keys could have ended in a trash bag. It wasn't, but that's ok. I didn't feel like wading through disgustingness.

So they are lost. L-O-S-T. I call Hubster and he's half asleep. Thankfully he doesn't get angry, because by now he's sick of me losing stuff. I swear, it's a hobby of mine.

Then I wait until morning...until 5:30 in the morning for him to give me the spare car key. I drive home, crash, get up and go to work. I lost an entire day with my kids, because I was stupid.

Worst part ever was that they were in the freaking shop. I mean, it's good, those are expensive keys that are all fancy and have that anti-theft feature (read: expensive). Still, that's depressing news to hear.

So, Hubster comes around and I have to give him back our house key and he sees that I am in a bit of a foul mood. He then asks, "What's wrong."

That's the wrong thing to ask.

She-hulk was about to break loose.

Me: What's wrong? What's wrong!? Hmm...let's think. I lost my keys, spent all night AT WORK waiting for you to get here. I'm freaking tired as hell. I lost an entire day with the boys AND my phone isn't working now. And it's all my fault, because they were in the shop, which means I was just an idiot and didn't look good enough. What could be wrong?"

Hubby: [eyes wide] Uh. Ah. Well, at least you found them, that's good. You saved us a lot of money. And you'll get other days with the boys. It's not the end of the world.

Me: [glares]

Hubby: [sweating] And we can always buy you a new phone. Whatever you want.

Me: I have to go to work.

Hubby: I love you!

Me: *sigh* I love you, too. Bye.

Note of advice to all of you men out there: if something went wrong in your wife's night, day, whatever...never, never ask what is wrong. If you forget, just wait. She will eventually remind you.

Otherwise you might find yourself close to death!...again.